Doubting Thomas' letter to Jesus

Published in the April 2012 issue of Faithlink, the magazine of Faith Methodist Church

Dear Jesus

Sometimes I wonder if I am talking to myself rather than talking to you in my prayers. I can't see you and don't know for sure if you are listening. I wish I had the experience of the twelve disciples - walking and talking with you in the flesh. Yet I am reminded of your words to Thomas,

“Because you have seen me, you have believed;
blessed are those who have NOT SEEN AND
YET HAVE BELIEVED.” (John 20:29)
Come to think of it, Thomas did not find it easy believing in you, at least not in your bodily resurrection from the dead. Many told Thomas that they saw you. First was Mary Magdalene who claimed to have seen you outside the tomb (where you were buried) and gushing with news that you were returning to God the Father in heaven. Some of the disciples went to your tomb and found it empty but they did not see you. Then there were the two disciples who reported that you travelled and talked with them on the road to Emmaus. Thomas was not present when you appeared to the apostles. So when they told him, "We have seen the Lord," Thomas was skeptical and demanded proof. He said,
“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and
put my finger where the nails were, and
put my hand into his side,
I will not believe.” (John 20:25)
I can identify with Thomas. A number of my Christian friends have testified how real you are and how you have answered their prayers yet you seem silent to me. I wish you would answer my prayers in a whizz bang manner ... exploding conspicuously for everyone to see hence prove that you are real. That's how I feel at times. I know it's kind of silly even ridiculous to demand such evidence of your existence and reality for the Bible says
"And without faith it is impossible to please God,
because anyone who comes to him must BELIEVE that he exists and
that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." (Hebrews 11:6).
You’re more than capable of answering my prayers in a spectacular way; you’ve not changed. You’re God; I'm not and I should not attempt to box you up - demanding that you respond in a particular manner. Anyway, you cannot be boxed up.

You've gifted me with a mind to think, judge, appraise and evaluate all things (1 Corinthians 2:16). I always weigh the pluses and minuses of my decisions and consider probable consequences but sometimes I leave you out of the picture. That was what seemed to happen to Thomas too. When you and your disciples heard about Lazarus's death in Bethany (which is near Jerusalem, the centre of your opposition), Thomas commented pessimistically, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.” Yet when you died on the cross, Thomas was disillusioned and lost all hope - failing to remember that you have the power of life. As I think of Thomas and myself, I'm afraid, very afraid that I'm trusting in myself - my thinking ability - and fail to consciously depend on you. You’re bigger than any problem that I face in my personal life and ministry.

Thank you, Jesus. Looking back, you did answer my prayers, you led me when I did not know what to do and you comforted me when I was discouraged. Just as you helped me in the past, I have confidence that you will help me now (1 Samuel 17:37). You are “My Lord and my God!” (John 20:28)

Your servant Alan aka Thomas

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Alan's Gleanings | Copyright © February 2012 by Alan S.L. Wong