With the birth of a child, the mother is expected to make a decision ... to continue working or to stay at home. There are some people who think that women who stay at home as full-time mother and homemaker are wasting their education and missing out on "real life." Then there are others who frown on mothers who choose to continue working for not putting their children as priority. If these children become delinquents, working mothers become the scapegoats.
To work or not to work? What is the biblical perspective? What are some practical considerations? This article (in three parts) does not attempt to give you an answer. Rather it seeks to crystallise the issues involved and help you make a wise decision.
Before I begin, I like to tell you our personal circumstances so that you can discern bias on our part, if any. We had our first child after four years of marriage. Before that, Hui Meng was actively involved as a full-time staff with Campus Crusade. After the birth of our first son, she scaled down her involvement to leading bible studies in the home.
While I was in seminary, Hui Meng also had a burning desire to study so we decided that she would go to school for two days per week while I stay home with the boys. They were then about 2½ years and 1 year old. For those two days, I took care of cleaning the house, their breakfast and lunch, and the program for the day. This may include romping in our one-bedroom apartment, shopping for groceries, an outing to the park or playground, feeding ducks, chasing squirrels and watching cartoons together. For three years, I had a taste of what it means to be a stay-at-home parent.
Hui Meng, who had chosen to stay at home during the pre-school years, found that she had more time on her own now that our boys are in primary school. She therefore decided to go back to the work force. Nevertheless, she is just as committed to the boys ... sacrificing sleep and leisure to help the boys in their homework. We are privileged in that my mother cooks our dinner and I pick up the food after work. We usually eat out during the weekends.
Here was a woman who seemed to juggle both household chores and work outside of the home. She wakes up while it is still dark to cook for her family (31:15). She spins and weaves winter clothes for them (31:13,19,21). She takes care of herself, dressing in fine linen (31:22). Both her children and husband praise her (31:28). She was also an enterprising woman ... buying fields, planting vineyards from her earnings (31:16), selling linen garments she made and supplying merchants with sashes (31:24). She may not have gone off to an office but she definitely worked outside of the home.
My point in bringing up Proverbs 31 is not to ask you to be a "superwoman" but that Scriptures are not against work outside the home. Of course, work outside of the home then may have been more flexible and supported by an extended family. Moreover, note that she had the help of servant girls (31:15).
Among other things, older women are to encourage younger women to be "working at home" (Titus 2:3-5). The NIV translation is "to be busy at home".
Generally, stay-at-home mums are more committed than any paid care ... will provide more than physical care to include whipping up nutritious meals, engaging children in conversation, playing with them, stimulating their minds, developing their character, etc
It is a wonderful experience watching your child grow and develop ... you were there when your child took his first step and when he uttered his first word.
Can we have it all ... a career, the good life and parenthood? Someone answered, "Yes. But not all at the same time. You will have a second chance to pick up and develop your career but you have only one chance to bring up your children." But when does raising children end? After the first three years? After the children have gone to primary school? Or after secondary school? There is no one answer for everybody.
To work or not to work is an issue that is highly personal. Our circumstances may restrict our options and even dictate our choice. Whatever that may be, let us not be critical of the different route that may be taken by others but seek to understand, support and help them make the best out of their decision.
Note that I have not explored fully the impact of the decision (to work or not to work) on the development of children. There are a number of factors that affect a child's development and it is not possible to isolate the impact of any one factor.
Your article helps to crystalize the issues involved and further challenges one to stop and seek answers to help oneself discover their own path. Your pointed questions, if seriously considered, aid this process. Sometimes we need to have someone else bluntly ask questions of us, ones we would so easily reason away.
I encourage you to continue to write. You are truly blessed in your ability to provoke contemplation of issues in an exceptionally candid but unfettered manner.